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Penniesim that kid that you see as naive
you don't need me
but you want me to be
there for you if you want to
and what do i get
and you don't even sweat
on the big things the stories
i'm raging and roaring
you're whoring yourself out again
and its boring
i'm boring a hole to the life you uphold
got a role
so i'll play it but this game i'm saying
i don't need your silence
one more reason i'm writing
show me a feeling
or i'm right
not gonna roll
its a no go
i got a feeling you'll give up
not gonna get with this get up
show me you're reeling
you're not though
gimme a story
or show me.
i'm that girl that you found intriguing
truth is i don't think you can perceive me
not even sure that you even see me
but one of us lies and its easy
get up and get go
i got no pull here to stay
so i let go
rush me i'm pushing away
but i'm back though
i don't even know
soul to soul or im solely alone
YoursI'm okay for now and I'm standing tall
but in a second I'm backed up against the wall
in my head my back arches
but my head just falls
and my shoulders drop
and my thoughts hit the floor/
you glance across the room and my mouth creases up
in a way it gives away and you give me that look
the smile slips down and I'm on one foot
my fingernails click, I say I'm okay, but/
You know it's not true, you can see right through me
peel back a smile and my eyes look roomy
it's not quite a lie, but it's not quite true
we'll drop it for tonight and I'll call another truce/
I'm tired of the way you think I'm being obtuse
and the only thing I've got is 'it's me, it's not you'
in actuality it's everything I've ever been through
the reality's duality and one of me'll lose/
so call it off for a second and i'm feeling like water
slipped through your hands but i'm inside your pores
stuck to your skin and I'm feeling remorse
I can't save you from me more than I can be more/
than I am, than I should be
TeethSing me out a story
I don't need a reason just to rhyme
I got my paper A$ lined
that shit you're selling, I'm not buyin.
the only thing that's left of me
chew me up and spit me out
but either way I'll break your teeth-
RamblesBut then I think
this pen and ink
wants to write the
ins and outs of my mind
and then i find
the final line
why is it then
that I'm not fine?
I write about
falling and how
it's different for me than you
but the truth
it's not a hard line
and all in all
my life's quite fine
it isn't perfect,
but then I suspect,
a million people have it worse than I.
Every night I do it.
I chew on thoughts and bury words
squashing sentences at the bottom of the bright ideas pile
the light switch is on but every bulb's blown
I repeat and repeat and repeat
scrap replay, replay rethink, remember
it changes and I forget
and then it's never what it was so
the words evolve, adapt
getting chewed and mangled
and then I forget the point
and I sleep
or I dream
and the problem's solved til the night comes again.
It's quiet and im still
emptied but soft
I feel fleshy and light.
I can feel every ounce of me wiegh down as I float
and the memory of words
I can't move
and the past is immovable
but it's quiet
cotton soft quiet.
In the dark when I close my eyes
in floods light.
of my eyelids
im holding no pictures
no more now than i knew
can't solve and can't prove
but the light
and the quiet
the soft and the new
the good and the hope
these might carry me through.
PulseIt's bright and it's broken
it's flickering, rusted
the heart of a creature I couldn't have trusted
for fear or for hunger of minor disaster
a flesh that's quite warm yet it's lacking in lustre
a blister of truth
or a wrinkle of trust.
It's dark and it's dusty
quite damp, and encrusted
with scars and a venom that's destined to break it
and fuelled with a stream of casual acquaintances
mind that knows need but not how to relate
and i'm broken
I must hope
for a reason
a sign that it's right
lest we fall with the seasons,
and falling is reason enough.
pleased to meet you
shes a dancer
give a chance of
she'll destroy you
she'll destory you
catch an eye and
trace a line and
catch it wandering on
out and to the side
i don't know you
hasn't told you
she's a weapon
she's a snake and
she's a soldier
she'll unfold you and
she'll be cold and
feign a smoothness
all a tactical maneuver
hasn't told you all the moves and
old directory of truths and
turns it back and it's on you
it's paranoia paranoia
at a glance inside of who
not the one you thought you knew
maybe it was never you
things were different you'd lose
find a catalogue of proof
or a dialogue of use
the admission of
LanguishSick of my sickness with the language barrier
find a new character and my thoughts might carry her
stuck on the crest of my friccative wave
I need a new brain hole, and a new wave to save me/
sick of my sickness and I can't get rid
burn a hole in my head when I'm flicking eyelids
clicking my fingers and I'm blaming the timezones
ticking the clock off ignore the power that the hands hold/
sick of my apathy and of being on a downturn
pissing them off with the message that my frown earns
forgetting that faces have a language of their own
well versed and rehearsed there, I'm holding on, though/
Sick of my sickness with the braindead bitch
with the realisation I'm the one true hitch
remembering now that it's all down to tone
get the fuck off the keys and back into the zone.
It's sad but it's true that that's what I do.
You'd think that it's useful, clairvoyance
a truthful reminder of all that's to come,
I'll write in my diary so I can remind me of everything that could be done.
But therein's the problem you see:
the future, quite naturally,
is a definite thing, a condition of truth
and the only thing I've got is absolute proof
that the things that'll pass are just destined to happen,
to build and to ruin,
to break and to rescue,
so all I can do is to politely ask you to please, if you please-
should I take you to task- let me lead with a question and hear what i ask
that you might answer in full understanding of what we all know, and here all I'm demanding
is truth to placate me so I can let go
of a foreshadowing that'd passed long ago.
Great Fire of RomeCertain boys used to press their fingertips into my skin
as if they were cigarette butts and I was an ashtray.
They stamped out leftover guilt that wouldn’t burn away,
grounded it into my skin so that when it rained,
I could smell smoke and their brands of cologne.
There are burn marks on the insides of my palms
from all the times they held my hands with bonfires between theirs.
The scars on the inside of my mouth taste like copper and woodsmoke
from where they left their candles
as if I was a faulty altar.
They picked flowers from every garden my body
grew and left them at the feet of some makeshift effigy
as if they had given me a gift.
They burned me to the ground like Rome and dared to call my ashes beautiful ruins.
I have let people ruin me.
Then I found a boy who set my ribcage on fire
and illuminated my lungs with every breath.
His fingertips were fireflies
and my body was a warm summer night.
The lanterns on his lips lit up every corner of my being until my body c
1901, SomewhereI am tired of opening my eyes and immediately wanting to empty myself out. I am less like a garden hose, a vessel of water pouring itself onto death, these days and more like a watering can. I have to be filled up first. I have to be tipped head first, hands over knees, before I can give up. I run out, often.
And I know what they will say. It is not beautiful, in any way. The priests at my old church call it praying but I feel more and more like the mantis these days. Preying. I keep trying to climb trees that are dead in the hopes I will be the one who finds the one live branch. I am trying to find the one inch of live wick in my own self too. I keep cutting and cutting but I never find the green.
It’s all black in here, you know. I am less the color of obsidian and more coal, more the color of gray darkness. I am ___. I cannot even manage to exist bleakly enough to be called night, to be called eyes closed forever, to be called keyboard keys when no one is touching them. I am t
The future we won't haveDeluded by hatred;
The fights go on,
The wars don't stop,
And the suffer won't end.
People flee from their home,
Bombs and rockets only destroy
What humanity worked so hard on to build;
Now shattered into pieces.
With tears in their eyes,
The people mourn for the fallen,
Pray to the heavens,
But it seems all in vain,
Because no matter what they do,
The fights go on,
The weapons destroy,
Until nothing is left.
It only shows
That humanity grew cold
That there's no love in our hearts;
Replaced with distrust
And selfish thoughts.
Why is it so hard
To live in this world,
To be unique
And to coexist with others
From our own kind?
Why can't they see
That the future we build
Is one were we humans
Can't live anymore?
Inner StrengthYou feel it again
That burning in your breast
When you want to speak up
You know who you are
And you know the rest
But instead you hold back
Clutching to your sacred words like a cross
Don’t let it get lost inside you
Don’t let yourself go unheard
Like all those defining moments
You let fall through your fingers
You could have said something
But you chose to caress
The thought of another hanging on a moment
Passive aggressively taking control
Of a truth or opinion that is yours alone
Close your eyes and count to ten
This is one of those moments
When your life will never be the same
You can start again
And relieve your pain
If you would just speak up
You have the power to change your path
You can find the courage
To not hold back
It all starts with you
What do you have to lose?
1:40amthe empty-belly night sky rumbles
Lana aches in my ears
the curtains curl around lightning-flash
my fingers smell like smoke
and I try to sweep you out of my untidy head
but you linger in the corners still
like you always do.
life is the looming monster we never look straight in the face
afraid of its shadow.
I want to wrap my arms around you
I want you to be the future I am so afraid of
I wrapped my past around my fingers so tight
it cut off the circulation
i want to cut all the threads of my never-let-go
and let my truth stand as unaplogetically
as the scars I've let heal
I am learning how to never adjust my views for your approval
my skin is not an apology
this is not an invitation to walk over me
learning yourself is like learning a city
it is continually changing
growing out and shifting under
like our fingernails
or the sunset.
Delightful Dreams“If you could do anything now, what would you do?”
After hearing these words I gave it a moment or two
And found that swimming in my mind was not the will to be kind,
Was not to end poverty or make a world so divine,
But instead to meet old friend, sister and brother
And let ourselves lose within the presence of another.
For none to control our talks
Or to mandate our attire.
For us to sneak out at night
And set a rebel flag on fire.
Perhaps just too freely talk
Or meet the friends I have yet to.
Oh yes! Simply to slowly walk
Amidst an urban ocean side view!
Perhaps Washington where I once shed tears!
I’ll walk the starlit streets with a date
Whose name I won’t remember in years!
Arm in arm,
Up and down stone steps and sidewalk paths,
Gazing over the shimmering waters,
Surrounded by brilliant architecture at last!
But though I desired to reveal these thoughts
In the presence of the asker, I knew I should not
For it is a sin to dream of such selfish t
Fearing the DarkCowering
in fear of an invisible beast
behind the counter
in the sweltering heat
at the chill down my spine
at the shifting shadows
out of the corner of my eye
to my own shallow breathing
from the monster inside
in your centreI want to dig your chest up slowly
like an archeaological site,
I want to brush against your veins,
clean up your rib cage for months,
breathe within your lungs, watch
the blood pump through your body,
and finally -
finally find the treasure you hide,
a two-chambered, pulsing organ of life.
Maybe if I open up your treasure chest,
What do you hide?
What do you feel?
What is at your core?
My hand against your chest;
I feel your heartbeat, nothing more,
and I wonder about the things within
which I shall never know.
Still In LoveI am in love with you.
I am in love with the way you tear up when I say something right.
I'm in love with the way that even when you have no idea what you want to do, you still seem like you know exactly what you're doing.
I'm in love with the way I've made you feel like you're worth something.
You're worth everything to me.
I'm in love with the way you seem so confident even though you're not.
I'm in love with how you steal my breath and make me wish our moments could last forever.
I'm in love with the way you stay true to yourself no matter what people say.
You crushed my heart but I still love you with every tiny broken piece of it.
I'm still in love with the first time I saw you in a dress.
I'm still in love with how soft and nervous your voice was the first time I heard it.
I'm still in love with the way you say that you love me.
I'm still in love with those truths that were told between the lies.
I'm still in love with the flaws you think you have.
I'm still in love with you.
flames in my head
burn through my skull
through the words that spit out
setting light to the room/
hot words in my throat
ooze from my mouth
and drip past my heart
banging in my ears/
I chew at the breath
that labours past my teeth
races through nostrils flared
as nails bury the anger/
Inhale long and icy
hold the breath and hold my tongue
and shiver as I exhale
long ribbons of smoke.
Red Riding HoodI want to believe people so badly when they say they won’t bite
that I contemplate climbing into their smiling jaws
thinking that it might be better to be split in two than left hanging.
But always, I draw my red hood and flit back into the forest
running in the shadows of pathways, never stepping into clearings
because I’ve spent my whole life in the wilderness
and I still can’t tell the wolves from the woodsmen.
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